My husband and I are in a fight right now about how to handle Christmas with our 4-year-old daughter. I think this is the perfect time to have her start thinking about the needs of others, so I suggested we tell her to write a list to Santa of all the things she wants and have Santa bring those toys to less fortunate children.
Buuuut, my husband thinks it’s too young for such lessons and that she will be totally disappointed if she doesn't get the stuff she wants. I don’t think he’s giving her enough credit.
Am I helping shape my daughter in an awesome way – or do you think I’m the worst mother in the world?
Your opinion means the world to me, thanks KK! Sam
Think about it ... Christmas is not only warm, fuzzy and nurturing – but it involves lots of planning and organization – which means a woman has to be in charge of it! Here are some other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
As a followup to my post entitled "$27,393" (the total cost of the 12 days of Christmas items).
The total cost of the items in Jeff Foxworthy's "Redneck 12 Days of Christmas" is....$832.15 at Walmart!
Here's the list:
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dogs
And some parts to a Mustang GT
Here's that Little Drummer Boy vid that's gone viral. Check it out, lemme know what you think. Should we play this version on Movin?
Thanks to our friends at Irreverent Magazine!
1. Expired Gift Cards.
Since they're expired, you can usually get these for extremely low cost or free from quality department stores and financial institutions throughout the country. Personally, I've found the $1,000-$10,000 levels work particularly well with significant others you're looking to ditch/divorce, live-in-but-about-to-separate-anyway girlfriends or boyfriends, or anyone who will be likely to give you sex as a result of the gift without being suspicious enough to make sure that the card will actually work beforehand. I can't emphasize that last point strong enough, speaking from personal experience and still walking with a slight limp.
When found out, of course, you must reinforce how much you spent on the card and promise to raise all sorts of hell with whatever establishment you purchased the card from. This one requires the most acting talent of the list but is also one of the most fun if played correctly.
2. A Suggestive Greeting Card That Indirectly Hits On Your Special Friend's Girlfriend or Boyfriend.
You can usually find something perfect in Spencer's for this one in whatever is sex appropriate for your special friend. It should say something along the lines of, "Wow, how did YOU get so lucky?" with a picture of a sexy girl or boy on the cover (whatever your friend's S.O. is), and inside print your phone number with a little smiley face. For the final touch, include a crisp $50 bill.
3. Overly Complicated Much "Assembly Required" Toys For Your Special Friend's Children
If your special friend has younger children, buy them extremely complicated, tiny-parts toys that will require your SF several hours to assemble, during which the children will incessantly be asking, "When will you be done, mommy or daddy?" I suggest any type of Bionicle or sufficiently complicated Lego kit, like the space shuttle, empire state building, or International Space Station.
4. Extremely Noisy And Annoying Toys For Your Special Friend's Children
Here anything that talks, sings, or preferably plays music is the key. It really helps if the voice is suitably annoying, like a Spongebob Squarepants or incomprehensible Scooby Doo. Make sure there is only one or two volume settings and that several sets of C or D-cells are required -- 4 to 8 is good -- but don't include them with your gift.
5. A Large Quantity Of Food Your Special Friend Is Allergic To.
Large tins of cashews or equally expensive legumes for those allergic to nuts, milk or dairy products for the lactose intolerant, and, of course, chocolate or caffeine for those who suffer from chronic migraines. If they are rude enough to remind you of their allergy or condition, smack your noggin like a V-8 commercial, play forgetful, and hint at how much you spent and how much trouble you went through, to the point of making them embarrassed for bringing it up in the first place. (This one can be enormously satisfying because it is, in fact, a completely useless gift.)
The key to this form of "giving" lies in walking that fine line between being directly insulting and just being socially awkward and/or inappropriate.6. Flavored Condoms.
This will only work for less casual, more intimate acquaintances, but not really your S.O. or spouse, unless, of course, they're way uptight or Republican. Let's face it: giving your special friend that you don't know very well -- woman or man -- a box of flavored condoms will always be at least mildly awkward and almost always insulting.
7. A Case Of Odious And Probably Corked Wine.
If you're a wine drinker, you've learned to spot the signs: bad region, bad year, bottles stored incorrectly to virtually guarantee a cracked top and corked vino. Pick up as many as you can (for as cheaply as possible, let's face it this is basically vinegar grade stuff here), wrap it attractively, and present it warmly to your SF.
8. Sexy Underwear For Your SF's Spouse or S.O.
Skimpy v-strings or thongs for the ladies and sexy speedo-style briefs for the men. The message here is clear: either you'd like to see the S.O. in these, or you already have and want more, in either case be prepared for a fight depending upon how far you take this, how much you dislike your SF, and how much you like your SF's S.O....
9. A Book You Bought, Read And Didn't Like.
Something by John Grisham perhaps, or maybe Tom Wolfe or even veritable cranky guy Andy Rooney. In any case, the criteria here is bad, but not too bad: bad but imminently popular, at least in some snobby circle. Thomas (*yawn*) Hardy type bad. This will give you "critical deniability" when your SF discovers how awful it is.
For full effect, you must make sure to work into conversation that you've read the book and didn't like it, either before or after they've opened it, depending upon the effect you wish to have.
10. A Big Book On Resume Tips.
This one works like this: "gee, how thoughtful," your SF says, since it's a "how-to" book and you're perceived as being helpful and nice. Then, "Wait a minute, what's this guy saying here? My job sucks and I need to get a real job, is that it? I'm lazy, is that what he's saying?" And finally, "Okay, well cram it with walnuts, curly, I'm getting you 50 Ways To Satisfy Your Lover next year."